Thursday, March 12, 2009

Struggling

Sorry it has been such a long time since I have posted. I have had a hard time putting my thoughts together.
I have been struggling......
The devil has definately worked his way in....
and I'm struggling to shake the doubts he has planted in my head.
I'm angry.....
I have questions......
why have we been praying?.....
I thought God was good ALL of the time?......
Why couldn't he have taken a dead beat dad or bum of a husband?.....
Wouldn't it have been such and awesome testimony if Brad had made a full recovery and we could have all told our friends about Gods healing?....
There are so many truths about our good God that I know are true but in my weekness I have had a hard time remembering to believe them.
It breaks my heart to see this awesome family trying to discover a new normal after loosing such a big part of it....and so my mind wonders off into these sinful questions.




....and then I have these good moments when I see them and how strong they are....and I see all these people come together and working for good. I think of Brad in heaven and how awesome it must be. I remember that God is good. I remember that his ways are much better than mine. I see Jenny's strength and courage and I can't help but know that God is going to do something awesome with her! Their family is pulling together and teaching us all what God intended for families to be like. I am still fighting the doubts.....
God is teaching me something......
I can't wait to see how it all unfolds....
In the mean time, my prayers continue because that is still all I know to do...
This past weekend, Josh and I traveled to Houston to attend our good friend Brad's memorial service. Brad was 34 years old and died from cancer. He left behind a beautiful family. Jenny his wife and two children Zeke (5) and Kaelyn (2).
On Saturday before the memorial service, one of the local highschools where Brad used to teach held a fun run to raise money for his family. Despite the lump in my throat and the sick feeling in my stomach, we did manage to have a little fun. There were over 400 people participating. The kids ran in a 1K race and then ran (and walked a little) again with everyone in the 5K. Elisabeth was trampled in the mob close to the beginning so we ended up back for four band-aids. She was pretty scrapped up but all together ok.

Here is Hogan, Daddy, Beck and Stephen running in to the finish line.


Elisabeth and Gates waiting for their brothers and their daddy.



This dude was the first to finish. He was fast.







Stephen running with Beck at the start of the BIG race.





Stephen (the most awesome uncle EVAH) ran with the kids in the kid race. Gates couldn't keep up so he picked him up and carried him most of the race.






Elisabeth boasts her ribbon.









...the boys and their ribbons.




All of us after the race. It felt so good to be there!







Jenny and Zeke finishing the race......Zeke was embarrassed.

This was the finish line. I couldn't help but think of that verse in the Bible. That says...."you have finished the race.........you good and faithful servant well done."
I am quite certain that is what Brad heard when he arrived in heaven.
......I'm still struggling with it all......I have to keep reminding myself how good God is.....













15 comments:

Amy B. said...

I loved this post Sheridan, thank you for being so honest with your feelings. You're not alone...I just keep reminding myself of all the amazing ways Brad's struggle has brought people together (that would otherwise not have happened). I keep thinking about the glimpse of heaven that we shared during his memorial service Saturday. WOW! That was a healing in itself
...and what a wonderful day it will be when Jenny gets to see her sweet husband again!

allison hanna said...

Sheridan,
You words beautifully echo the sentiments of many, myself included. I am still asking why, but isn't it great that we can take comfort in knowing we will all get to see Brad again someday. I can't imagine going through something like this without our faith.

da momma said...

we are all askign the questions...your words are honest! Im copying a few pics since we werent able to be there..oh the one of Zeke hugging over Jenny's shoulder! mmmm That family! WHY them? WHy Brad? I KNEW God was just going to heal him and we could tell everyone...pray and God hears you! Modern Day miracles...etc... but it is a miracle, look how many people have prayed...even people who dont know them...I hate that it was Brad and his family, its just not fair...but God IS at work, he DOES hear our every cry! Glad a I got to see your baby and hug ya! Love you guys! whit

Camille, Blake and Pierce said...

What an amazing post... and the pics are priceless... Yes I too believe that God leaned down and whispered in Brad's ear "Well Done"... what a testimony his story has been all over the world... We sure do wish we could have been there.

Corrie said...

I'm struggling too.

Michelle said...

Hey Sheridan--I am so sorry to hear about your friend. What a tragedy. If/when you have the time, you should check out Beth Moore's blog-livingproofministries.blogspot.com. Her daughter posted an entry today (3/12) about grief and doubting God. It is awesome. I think you might find it encouraging.

Lisa said...

Thank you, Sheridan. The honesty of it all is strangely comforting...I guess just to know that none of us are alone in our feelings. Really wish I could have seen you guys - hope Stephen gave you the hug from me.

Amy said...

Sweet, sweet post!

Angie Campbell said...

I agree with Allison- your worlds echo all of our sentiments.

Angie Campbell said...

Well, I meant to say, your WORDS echo all of our sentiments.


Not your worlds.....

Caldwell Clan said...

Sheridan, thank you so much for sharing this with all of us. And that you for sharing the Bible verse. Don't you wish you could see, I mean really see what God's plan was. But then again, where is the fun and excitement in that. My prayers go out to you and your family and especially to Jenny and the kids. I cant even imagine what she it going through... but you are right. I know God is Good, and He has something awesome up his sleeve for that family. We just all have to wait in anticipation until He reveals it.

Jane H said...

Thank you, Sheridan, for the beautiful tribute to Brad and for sharing your feelings. God is good, no matter what. It is up to us to trust and have the faith that Brad did that He knows what's best for us. Hope Lolly has recovered from her injuries. Much love to all of you.

Jaime said...

I wish I had the pleasure of knowing Brad and his family personally. They have touched my heart so deeply. I look forward to meeting him one day in heaven. I have cried many tears over this family as well...amazing what God can do-even without actually having met this family. My faith is being molded by their courage and strength. I am grateful for their example.

Jenny Winter said...

I have struggled with the same questions...it is so good to be honest and open about them, thankyou! It allowed me to dig deep in my soul. I spent time with Jenny this week and she is really optimistic about how Brad has already changed people for God's glory. It is so amazing to watch her faith in all of this.

Jenny Wims said...

Thank you Sheridan for your beautifully honest thoughts. You know that we have all thought them from time to time. I am currently in a blog stuck spot. I'm not exactly sure what I want to write next. I may steal some of your pictures and some of Lisel's so that I can post about the walk. As for posting my thoughts...hmmmm...still thinking.
Thanks Sheridan.